


Another way out

by little_purple_butterflies



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Episode: s02e11 Sex Birth Death, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene, One Shot, Sort of hurt/comfort, mention of attempted suicide of a minor character (as show in the episode)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6525595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_purple_butterflies/pseuds/little_purple_butterflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid couldn't just let him die. Now he could only trust that he would be able to live with whatever outcome this might have in the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another way out

**Author's Note:**

> I took some scenes from the episode to help make the "missing moments" I added easier to visualize and understand.
> 
> This story is also posted on ff.net.
> 
> A big thanks to my dear friend Sarah for being my beta.

"You can let go now, Sir."

Reid felt hands on his upper arms but ignored them as his focus was completely on applying pressure to Nathan's wrists. Then he heard Garcia calling his name and the voice from before spoke again, this time more forceful.

"Let go. Sir."

Now Reid realized that the paramedics had arrived and that he was keeping them from doing their job. So he got off the bed and stepped back - dimly aware that Garcia came to stand next to him - and stared at Nathan's almost motionless body.

Reid was on the verge of tears. Tears of the helplessness he felt; tears of fear and sorrow for this boy. Tears of anger directed at himself. He should have known, he was a profiler, for God's sake.

Spencer heard Nathan's words echoing in his head. "Just been sitting here, thinking the only way for me to save people's lives in the future is to kill myself." The kid had practically told him in that church the day before. Only Reid hadn't realized it then.

The next clue he should've picked up on was when Nathan came by to say goodbye to him. The boy seemed so sure he would become a danger to society. Yet Reid tried everything to convince Nathan that he wouldn't end up like their UnSub did.

Maybe he just did it for his own selfish reasons. If Nathan could escape his destiny, there was a chance for Reid too.

Nathan even wanted to talk to Ronald Weems to understand, tried to learn anything he could. Just like Reid did all those years ago with schizophrenia. That was the main reason why Spencer had been against telling Gideon that the kid couldn't be their UnSub and thereby keeping him from doing the evaluation on Nathan. Like he told Morgan, he understood the boy's fears. So in a way it was indeed his responsibility.

Watching the paramedics wrapping the kid's forearms, Reid tried to understand why Nathan had come here with a prostitute. It was like he had wanted to test himself to see if he was capable of killing someone. Like he had to be sure before committing suicide.

Startled out his musings by a hand on his arm, he tore his gaze from the figure on the bed and looked into a pair of brown eyes. A young African-American woman dressed in a paramedic's uniform stood next to him and asked, "Are you alright, Sir?"

His nodding seemed to satisfy her and so Reid was about to turn around again when she said, "I need you to leave the room now."

Reid and Garcia looked at each other for a moment then complied. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that the paramedic was now talking to the prostitute who seemed to have calmed down.

Once outside in the dark night Garcia took the young agent by the arm and practically pulled him a few feet away, then asked, "Are you really okay?"

Reid started to nod, then stopped and answered, "Not really, no. I-I should have known, Garcia. I simply should have known that he would try to kill himself."

Surprised, she looked up at him. "How could you have known?"

"You remember when he came by a few hours ago?" At Garcia's nodding he continued, "He wanted to say goodbye. 'Cause he was sure that they would've never let him out of the hospital again, once he was in there. He even wanted to talk to Weems, to ask why he killed those prostitutes."

"Despite what you're thinking, you're not responsible for Nathan."

Reid had to smile at that. "That's what Morgan said to me."

"Yet you don't seem to believe it yourself," Garcia remarked.

After a moment's silence the young doctor explained, "I know what it's like to be him. Well, not exactly, but close. He knew I would understand him, not just because I'm a profiler. That's why he approached me. He wanted me to help him."

Garcia looked him directly in the eye. "You did that, sweetie. You helped him understand what was happening to him." Seeing that the agent still wasn't convinced, she added, "You did everything you could. You listened to him and took it seriously."

"But I think that's why he wanted to kill himself. He knew what he was about to become, because of me."

The computer tech shook her head. "It's not your fault. You can't save everyone."

Reid sighed, "I know. But I wish I could."

"Don't we all," Garcia said sympathetically.

"Excuse me." Both of them turned around at that and they saw the prostitute approaching them. "You know that boy up there, don't you?"

"Yes, we do," Reid confirmed.

She looked at the agent and asked, "You were in that conference room at the FBI earlier, weren't you?" Nodding, Spencer asked, "Can you tell me what happened here?"

"He came to me on the street and picked me up, said he was looking for a date. When we came here, he just sat on the bed, not even looking at me. I just thought he was shy, so I wanted to help him open up. But he said something like 'You don't know what I could do to you.' Then he totally freaked out, got up and started to search for something in his jacket. When he turned around again, he had a knife in his hand. I was sure he would kill me. But then he put a business card on the table and cut himself. I didn't know what to do, so I called the number on the card. Why did he do this?"

Reid tried to put it as gentle as he could. "He wanted to kill himself before he might have done something to you."

The prostitute's eyes widened in understanding.

Even though she was still a bit shaken herself, Penelope took a step forward and said, "Let the paramedics have a look at you," before she walked the dark-haired woman over to the ambulance.

Just then the young paramedic from before approached Reid again, handed him a towel to clean his hands and left.

Spencer could already feel the blood beginning to dry. Nathan's blood. As he watched the prostitute, who was talking to a paramedic before leaving, presumably for the streets again, he couldn't help but think about what may have happened if Nathan hadn't cut himself. The prostitute would be dead now.

The agent could still see Nathan pleading with him not to be saved before his inner eye. The boy just wanted to let it end, couldn't live like that anymore.

But Reid just hadn't been able to let him die. Now he began to think about the repercussions of his actions.

He could clearly remember what Gideon had said to him after Nathan's evaluation. 'Not a question whether he ends up killing someone. It's when.'

Now Reid wasn't so sure anymore that it was the right decision to save the boy.

Deep in thoughts he only vaguely noticed that Gideon and Morgan arrived. After some time he saw Morgan walking past him towards Garcia and heard him asking, "How did she know to call Reid?" "Nathan set Reid's business card on the table before he cut himself. Like a suicide note," came her reply.

At that Reid realized it had been a no-win situation. Sure, he had saved the kid, but what about all the people Nathan could kill in the future?

When he would get the opportunity to kill, he probably wouldn't be able to win the battle and stop himself again. And maybe then he wouldn't have the chance to commit suicide before he could hurt people either.

Spencer still rubbed his hands with the towel even though he knew it was useless as the remnants of the blood had already dried now. But he felt like he had not only Nathan's blood but that of his future victims on his hands as he tried to rub it off.

Suddenly Gideon appeared in his line of view, his expression one of concern.

"Paramedics say he wouldn't have made it without you. You saved his life."

The younger agent cleared his throat before replying, "He wanted me to let him die."

"He's sick, he needed saving."

Reid shook his head almost imperceptibly and cleared his throat again. "But how many people's lives did I risk in the future?" Even though he knew there was no answer to that question, he had to ask.

Lifting his eyebrows, Gideon reminded him," Profiles can be wrong."

The younger agent found himself nodding. But he couldn't help but feel this time it wasn't. "What if it's not? What if… next time he kills somebody?"

"Then you catch him," came the reply.

His superior stepped forward, put an arm around the younger man's shoulders and walked him down the street where he had parked the car.

Once there he opened the door to let Reid climb inside, then went around the front and got in, too. Putting the key in the ignition the older agent started the car and eased it into the light traffic.

Every now and again he glanced at his team member who starred out of the car's window, his attention clearly focused elsewhere, his still slightly blood-covered hands on top of the towel in his lap.

They drove in silence for a while before Gideon spoke up. "You think you failed Nathan by saving him, don't you?"

Spencer looked up at that. "Yes, I do," he admitted, "because he knew it."

When he didn't explain any further Gideon gently prodded, "He knew what?"

Reid turned towards his superior, "That in the end he would lose his inner battle and become what he was most afraid of."

"He was supposed to go to a hospital, right?" Gideon tried a different approach.

"Yeah," the other man replied, "and he told me that they never would have let him out of there again." He was silent for a moment, and then he said, "I think that's why he did it."

Not being able to keep up with the Spencer's train of thoughts, the older profiler asked, "What do you mean?"

"I think he wanted to know for sure if he would turn into a monster and so he hooked up with that prostitute."

"You mean like a test."

"Exactly," Reid agreed, "And when he realized that he never would be normal again, he attempted suicide."

His superior nodded, then stopped as a thought hit him. "But how do you explain that he put your card on the table?"

"I can't," the young man admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that he made the choice to die."

At that moment they arrived at Reid's apartment building. Gideon turned off the engine and focused on his protégé. "He didn't see another way out. That's why he put your card there. He hoped that you would know."

"Well, is there one?"

"I don't know," his superior answered, "But at least you gave him a chance to find a way that's better than killing himself. He is determined to fight and he's seeking help. It doesn't look that bad for him."

"I guess you're right," Reid agreed. "You know, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I would have let him die. He's still so young and has so much life ahead of him."

"Sounds like someone I know," Gideon remarked, smiling slightly. When he got no response from the other man, he said, "You're not like him. You know that, don't you?

Spencer looked at his superior. "I do, yeah."

Satisfied with that, Gideon asked," Are you gonna be okay?"

Thinking about that for a minute the younger agent answered, "Yeah, I'll be alright." Then he opened the door and got out of the car.

"Reid?"

Spencer turned around, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"You did good today," Gideon said.

Reid smiled at that, then closed the door and headed for the entrance.

The older agent watched as his colleague opened the door and walked inside the building. He started the car again and pulled out of the driveway, heading home himself.

They always wished they could stop the UnSubs before they started killing.

Maybe with Nathan Harris they did just that.


End file.
